A lot has taken place in this last month, I mean a TON!!
First off in June, I started the application process of going to college!! Yay, only took me 7 years to finally decide to follow through. Tony did the application process for me, applied for the pell grant and researched online schools and the local community college. Originally, we were thinking online but my gut was telling me I needed the accountability of a classroom and a teacher that could be there for any questions.
Well, we were accepted for the pell grant and everything was going smoothly when at the end of June, Tony's appendix ruptured! He had been sick for a few days thinking it was food poisoning, well it got so bad he could barely walk, wasn't eating, couldn't go to the bathroom (tmi?) I came home from work and found him groaning and holding his belly, he mentioned he that maybe it was an appendicitis but probably not and that he was still planning on going to work that night. I quickly googled appendicitis and knew that's what he had. It had been 3 days, I had him at the hospital in 10 min. Sure enough it had ruptured and within a couple hours he was in surgery.
He was so close to losing his life, we had waited almost too long to get him in. I felt awful, and so grateful for my husbands life at the same time. The infection from the rupture was so bad he had to stay in the hospital for a few days to make sure the antibiotics were doing the job. Well, the day finally came for us to bring Daddy home, I had taken work off, and was taking the kids to the hospital twice a day, once in the morning until nap time and then after nap time until bed time, it was exhausting but what we all needed, Tony needed his family, the kids needed their Daddy. We came to the hospital expecting to bring him home, but Tony was still in a lot of pain that didn't seem to be getting better and his blood pressure had sky rocketed. While there, his Doctor called to let him know that they had not gotten the whole appendix out and had to go back into surgery that evening,
This scared both of us, the infection had already spread through out his body and he had been close to dying, now it was still in there when we thought it wasn't. We began to pray a lot, I had to leave and bring the kids home, we weren't able to see him that evening due to him going back into surgery so I just sat next to my phone praying hard.
Two hours passed after he went into surgery, I didn't receive a phone call, I started feeling panicky thinking of all the 'what ifs' that I hadn't let myself even consider before. I googled everything I could think of to see if missing part of the appendix was common like the Doctor told us it was. I found almost nothing, which just scared me more.
Finally, the Doctor called letting me know they finally found what they missed and that now my husband should start feeling better. This was the best news I had ever received! He would be in the hospital for another three days. I called out of work for the rest of the week. Tony would be off work for three weeks, money was already tight.
To make it worse Tony had just hit his three months on his job and now could receive health benefits, but although he had filled out the paperwork for insurance it wouldn't start until the first of July. He went to the hospital on June 29th. So now, we weren't working, we couldn't pay our bills and we were in for an enormous hospital bill.
I started getting panicky again thinking about our finances, wondering how we were going to pay rent, wondering how we could pay our car bill, buy groceries? How can we pay a huge hospital bill when we can barely manage our own bills? I decided in a moment I couldn't go to school right now, the grant I received would only cover half of my tuition, we had thought it would cover it all.
But then it hit me, God has NEVER failed us. We've never not payed rent, we've never gone starving, my kids have never gone with out diapers, how was this situation any different then the other things were? Just because the bills were more doesn't mean it's too big for God. I decided that I believe that God wants me in school, God has a plan for us, and I am just going to continue on the path we are on and not let anything, or anyone take us down. I have given up way to many times in the past and yet God has not stopped providing for us. Sometimes just not they way we want.
I decided my husbands much deserved break from work was going to be full of some much needed family time. Tony had been working almost every night since he began his job, in three months he'd only had 5 days off, he came home, I'd go to work, when I got home, he'd go to bed until his shift again. So although, my poor husband was in a lot of pain, and our finances were suffering July was a month of family time, it was truly a wonderful month.
Some other unexpected bumps came at the same time as Tony getting out of the hospital that took me down for a couple of days but again God is good. Always. I cannot control the outcome of things, and we are not to worry about tomorrow because today has enough worries of its own. I have chosen to not worry anymore, to not be anxious, and to just give my burdens back to God and let Him handle the details.
This season is truly the most beautiful one I think I've even been in. I have more peace then I can ever remember having, I am so in love with my family and they are my fulfillment in life. My kids are so wonderful, I have the best husband in the world, life is good. I am living it and enjoying it. It's not about money, it's not about tomorrow, it's not about getting back at people, it's about love, it's about God, it's about laying your burdens down and being thankful for what the Lord has given to you already.
I was able to pick up lots of hours while Tony wasn't working, and now he's been getting tons of overtime, it's the only way we paid our car bill this month and will be able to pay our August rent. Already that is taken care of, and I believe the rest of our bills will work themselves out as well. Zoey's second Birthday was on the 27th, and we are just postponing it til next week, my sister sent her gifts and my mother in-law. She is taken care of.
I was able to go take placement tests at the college this week and will register for my classes next week. I am holding my head up high in expectation for what God has in store, I am loving my family today, and I am going in the path I feel God is leading and not letting the 'little things' worry me anymore and I feel I am a new person for it.
Sorry this is so long. Just remember to love today, I am so grateful for my husbands life, I don't want to fight or stress over money. I don't want to grow bitter or go a day without letting my family know how much I love them. Live your life, love, take nothing for granted, and believe God is good.
