The great move

So much has changed in our lives in the last few months and yet so much remains the same.

Thank God for maternity leave! People may have issues with California but I am happy to have lived there when having my two babies! I have been off work sense January 5th and do not need to return until May 8th and then I plan on taking all my vacation time while trying to get a transfer up here.

I was determined not to return to my former job in fact I was believing/desperately hoping I wouldn't have to go back to work at all.

Although I haven't minded working so much in the past once I started my leave my relationship with Zoey completely changed. She began to actually hug and kiss me, she mimicks everything I do, the way I stand, the way I sigh, cross my arms, eat, everything. She follows me around all day talking up a storm (mostly gibberish but its super cute) I mean she follows me to the bathroom (we shower together everyday) and she is normally right on my feet to where I can't even turn around without knocking her over. I love our relationship! I love that she loves me! I used to think my working didn't affect her but now that I recognize that it does, it breaks my heart to go back.

My husband applied for a hundred jobs and had some promising interviews to places that paid well enough I could stay home, I think that's where I let myself really believe I was done working. He ended up with a job just like what he had in California and with the same pay.

It was an odd feeling when my husband landed this job, I was thankful we didn't have to wait months and run out of the little savings we had. We moved here completely on faith so finding a job was great! But I couldn't help but have a little bit of an emotional break down. Our apt cost more here and I just felt like throwing up and screaming and cursing God. I was hoping our lives could be different.  That we would stop living from paycheck to paycheck that my husband could actually do something he enjoyed and not kill himself working the night shift and then me the day.

So I begrudgingly started applying for a few jobs but soon realized anything like what I'm doing will pay less and I won't have any vacation time built up or seniority.

I still don't know what to do with these emotions. With the fact I am so disappointed.  I don't know why we have to start out here the way we left the life I was hoping to leave behind.

It hasn't been as easy here as I hoped. Its cold, cloudy and rainy. I have no friends. And outside of my husband (who has worked every single day in the last 3 weeks) I feel very alone. This is just another season in my life another chance to choose to trust God even when I don't like what's going on and I don't want to. Its just not that easy. If anybody reads this prayers are appreciated.  :)

My growing family

Hello dear blog. Its been awhile.

Life has sure changed dramatically for our family in the last 6 months! First off I had our baby boy who is now 2 months old!

Zayne Callum Saber (which means God is gracious,  and his middle name means Sword of the Spirit). He is precious and his birth was absolutely perfect and easy.

Zoey still isn't quite sure what to think of him and mostly ignores him. She loves taking his pacifier and putting it into her own mouth. She tried to pick him up for the first time yesterday and freaked me out. She is jealous of her time with Mommy however, and wants on my lap everytime I breastfeed. I try to make space but can't always and then she runs away screaming or throws herself on the ground. I can hardly blame the poor girl she has been through a lot of change in these two months!

6 weeks ago we packed up and moved back to Idaho with our 3 week old and 18 month old. The trip wasn't too bad Zayne slept most of the way except for feeding stops every 3 hrs and poor Zoey threw quite a few fits. Thinking we already had an apt we thought the transition would be moderately easy but the nice apartment we had was not as nice as the pictures seemed to show. We ended up living with my parents and their 5 younger kids (my sibs) and two big labs (both sill puppies) for 5 weeks! It was not an easy stay and poor Zoeys things and toys were packed the whole time due to the dogs chewing problems. It was good to get to know my brothers and sisters again, but needless to say, I am so very grateful for our own place now.

Its hard enough adjusting to a new baby, raging hormones, and little sleep. Throw in the last 5 weeks and it was a rollercoaster of constant emotions!

So with Zoey's little fits and tantrums right now I'm kind of letting them go, realizing this poor toddler has no clue why her world keeps changing.